Nation's Tweens In Panic As Last-Resort Jonas Proposes

In a stunning announcement that threatens to topple completely the already devastated global financial markets, a Jonas Brother has announced his engagement. The Jonas in question is eldest brother Kevin, 21, and the lucky lady is Danielle Deleasa, of New Jersey, whom the guitarist met in May 2007 while vacationing with his family in the Bahamas. People has the Jonas! Pure-No-Longer! Exclusive!:

[Kevin surprised Danielle] by showing up at her doorstep in New Jersey early Wednesday morning and dropping down to his knee to ask her to marry him. Presented with a cushion-cut diamond ring that Jonas designed with Jacob & Co., Deleasa couldn't believe what was happening.