The Morning in Michael: Craigslist Propositions, Tree Apparitions

We're just minutes away from the Michael Jackson Memorial of the Century, which we understand will cost Angelenos their public swimming pools and the 710 bus line, but will give them an unforgettable broadcast starring Justin Timberlake and Ne-Yo that they can share with their children and grandchildren. We're also told the body itself is currently traveling along the Ventura Freeway towards the Staples Center in downtown L.A., and will be on display during the ceremony. (Maybe this is just denial, but we're still holding out hope -- however infinitesimal the chance -- that a pyrotechnics display will culminate in the singer leaping out of his casket at the very last minute, for the most spectacular tour-kickoff stunt the world has ever seen.)