Larry the Cable Guy Jokes

Daniel Lawrence Whitney is better known to the public as Larry the Cable Guy, is one of the hottest blue-collar comedians. Larry the Cable Guy is perhaps best known for his famous call of "Git 'r done!" He is also one of the best-selling and most popular comedians in the country. He received Billboard's Top Comedy Tour of the Year award in 2006.

Larry starred along with Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall and Ron White in the highly successful concert tour Blue Collar Comedy Tour movies: "Blue Collar Comedy Tour”. His recorded work includes in the show, "A Very Larry Christmas,", "Lord, I Apologize," and "Morning Constitutions.".

Larry the Cable Guy Quotable:

• Lord, I apologize for that one there, and please be with all the starving Pygmies down there in New Guinea! Amen!
• What the hell is this, Russia?
• My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her "Moley." Then she went down to the church and got herself saved. Now we call her "Holy Moley."
• Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something! Why do you hate us?
• I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park! (from the film Cars)
• I believe that Britney Spears should be one of Baskin Robbins' 31 flavors. Two scoops! (from "Rides Again")
• You don't always have to know where you are going, if you know where you've been. (from the film Cars)
• How'd you get tickets to the Tampon 400?
• That made me madder than a legless Ethiopian watchin' a doughnut roll down a hill.
• I don't care who you are that's funny right there. If you dont think that's funny you can get the hell out of here.
• I once tipped a stripper with Monopoly money, and after that she said "That's fake money!" I said "Alright, well them's fake"
• I do need to lose some weight now, I gotta tell ya. I had a threesome last week, and I was all by myself.

Jokes by Larry the Cable Guy

On Mood Rings:

One year my dad bought my mom a mood ring. Them things work pretty good. When she was in a good mood it was blue and when she was in a bad mood it made a red mark upside my dad’s head.

On Driving:

Ever drive down the highway and a policeman gets up behind you? Then everybody goes two by two behind him. He’s like the interstate pace car. Then he gets off at the exits and we’re back to green flag racing!

On Panties:

I had a girl put on crotchless britches for my birthday one time. I come home, she was like, “want some of this right here.” i go, “No, look what it did to your underbritches over there.”

On Diets:

I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license.

On Newspapers:

I was reading the paper the other day because my neighbor got up late.

You can read more Top 20 Jokes at the Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy Here.